Finding the perfect partner

Finding the perfect partner 

The more pressure somebody puts on finding their perfect partner, the less chance they will have of finding them. They may even miss out on seeing somebody as a possible option if they are constantly evaluating everybody against a very long wish list.

If you are working with a client and the focus turns to love and relationships, it can be helpful to check if they are looking for the perfect partner and actively avoiding anybody that is perceived as ‘wrong’, because this can trick their brain into only looking for a soul mate that brings nothing but happiness and joy.

It would be amazing to find the perfect partner, but unfortunately, this is not normally a realistic outcome and you may need to suggest they sometimes consider somebody who may not at first glance tick all of their boxes but could surprise them or even help them clarify exactly what they do want in the perfect partner.

In life, most couples we meet will have complimentary character traits that provide a nice balance, but others will seem to be carbon copies of each other, and then you meet a couple who do not seem to naturally go together at all, however, it just works. We also see relationships end when from the outside they seemed to be really well suited and happy, so how can you help your clients navigate this ever-changing landscape of relationship possibilities?

Taking a look inside

The first step is to ask them to initially focus on themselves and not look externally or to other people to help make them feel whole or fulfilled. When talking to your clients, it is important to help them focus on understanding who they are and how content they are with their life, as it can be easy to think finding the perfect partner will fill any void they may have or finally complete them as a person.

As part of the coaching process, you may wish to discuss a few simple goals with your client. They can help anchor their true feelings before they take any possible first steps towards finding a partner or loving relationship.

Ask your client to:

• Live according to their own heart
• Create a life that they themselves find great
• Follow what is important to them

Living in accordance with who we really are

Having confidence they will one day find a partner and not putting too much pressure on a process that is ultimately outside of their control can be a positive conversation to have with your clients. Especially when their initial focus can be switched onto the things they do control like taking care of themselves physically and emotionally. Or looking at the things they love doing, living according to their values and creating a life that they like. That way they should have a greater chance of meeting the right person.

When somebody is confident in who they are and able to live and act in accordance with who they really are, everybody around them will see their well-being increase. And working with them on understanding their values can help to bring feelings of inner peace and joy. This new outlook will be seen by friends and family and may start to attract potential partners.

In life, it is normally easier to be attracted to people who are open and happy in their own skin. So encourage your clients to work on themselves first so they understand who they are before they start looking for a perfect partner. Especially if their search is based on a long list of ‘must-have items’ they may have written long ago.